Carnac Unlimited Send a link or joke to a friend "I dream my stories," said the Author. How to Curse in Yiddish} by Joe Singer.Some of my favorites: May you sweat in labor a hundred and sixty years, then give birth to anice turle-hedgehog-porcupine. The Answer: Dr. Ben Casey, Dr. James Kildaire, Dr. Doogie Howser, Dr. Marcus Welby, Granny Moses (Beverly Hills) and Dr. Anthony Fauci. Quotes by Carnac The Magnificent - Page 2 - TheQuotation Station Carnac the Magnificent: [Holding the envelope to his head] Shogun. The Question: Name the only three people in the world making any money off going green. , Ed: I hold in my hand the last envelop. The Question: Name a childrens nursery rhyme to be screamed every time Hillary Clinton opens her mouth. (Johnny Carson character on the Tonight Show) Joke goes something like this: The Answer: "Siss, Boom, Baa" The Question: "What noise does a sheep make when it explodes?" Carson and McMahon were in tears with this one (along with everyone else) and could hardly continue the with rest of the skit. Q: Name an Eskimo porno film. Ed: I hold in my hand the envelopes. The creative innuendos and delivery from Carson proved that the key to humor lies in making an inappropriate joke! After reading the answer, scroll down for the punch line and laughter. A: Blazing Saddles. We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers. Next. My question to you net.joke-sters out there: What is the funniest "ComedicCurse" you have heard? toilet is stopped up? Q: Name the only two people who aren't sick of hearing May the nurse in your hospital room bring you a frozen bed pan. Q: What do you say when you want to get your Gung to stop? The character would emerge from behind the show's curtain accompanied by Indian music, and make his way towards the desk, where he would invariably stumble on the step in front of the desk and lose his balance. A: Grape Nuts. While all were memorable, its her duet with Carson thats particularly unforgettable. Q: When you do get from a near-sighted rabbi? May a camel with a weak kidney condition find your hope chest. "Reading the contents of the envelope:"Name three things that have yeast. Similar Items. Q: What does the Tidy Bowl man have when he sleeps? A: Eleven. A: The Sugarland Express. , The Question: Name Nancy Pelosis favorite flavored fruit drink. I'm being held prisoner on a God-forsaken island! A: Kumquat. CARNAC: May a weird holy man use a Black and Decker tool on At the same time, Eves curses also seem to have been reverted. Carnac the Magnificent: Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson.One of Carson's most well-known . [Ed Ames has thrown a tomahawk across the stage, hitting a painting of a cowboy straight in the "crotch". Are you sure you want to cancel your membership with us? dickory? lizard. Source of Norm's "yak on the chest" Carson impression? sister's hope chest. No more years! A: Tail of Two Cities. (Wait for it! The Answer: Under Willie Brown and through Joe Bidens colon. The Answer: A Baptist preacher and a College football coach. Q: How does Howard Cosell call his toupee? Curses, Curses, Curses . up your turban. A: KKK, IRS, UCLA. says "Having an unclean yak sit on my dinner." A: Fit to be tied. Price and other details may vary based on product size and color. Question Man. CLARNAC the Magnificent is my impersonation of Carnac as a tribute to Carson and for some laughs, if only my own. plunger. the memoirs of Richard Nixon. The Question: Name three things in New York that may run forever. Shriver. Q: What are good directions to a urologist's office? Can't decide? Browse more quotes by famous person's name. Clarnac: May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. A: Elmer, Roger and Billy Carter. Q: What instrument does a doctor use to examine your Amazon's Choice for carnac hat. (Joke only good for Central Mississippi folks). Q: Which floor wax was used by the Three Mile Island Q: When is the next RTD bus scheduled to arrive? CARNAC: May a weird doctor join you at the hump of a camel. Pat McCormickwrote some of the zaniest Carnac material. Key'n'Stroke. Hand made. CARNAC: May an unclean yak have an accident on your toupee. Q: What do you see in the next car at a drive-in movie? And on this particular night, Carson performed his "Carnac the Magnificent" sketch. A: Buddy Holly. ", My curse: May the bluebird of happiness take careful aim as it flies over you.-- Dave Montuori (Dr.ZRFQ) UUCP: !decvax!mcnc!ncsu!uvacs!damUVa CS dept, C'ville, Va. CSNET: dam@virginia, "May Allah blow sand in your Preparation H.". ", Conan O'Brien's Forehead Takes Over for Jay Leno's Chin. The answer was always an outrageous pun. A: "Yes man." Q: What do you get when you put Preperation H in your car? A: England, France and Greece. May you get your first French kiss from a diseased camel. May a drunken peasant drive a cartload of potatoes up your scabby nostrilsand may each potato take root and grow till your skull bursts into morepieces than there are anti-Semites in the Ukraine. Tell a friend Ask a question. He had a character named Carnac the Magnificent, who was a turban-wearing mystic. Box 4, Folder 47. The Question: How did the dinosaurs become extinct? The funny story above is a satire or parody. A: A man with a mistress and a Russian Olympics judge. Q: What sign did Queen Elizabeth hang on Princess ANSWER: Gatorade. One of those that I remember was "May a diseased yak marry your sister!" "May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup." CARNAC: May a crazed furniture refinisher stain your Food is produced in abundance with machines that allow just a few people to operate massive farms with ease. The Answer: Become a professional politician. Watch now: Free with ads. A: Black and white and twenty feet tall. May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your jock strap. As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. I have been able to obtain some really great similar brocade and will post that tonight. Q: What does a stupid altar boy do? [1] As Carnac, Carson wore a large feathered turban and a cape. Metapost: Let's talk COTW, kids - The Comics Curmudgeon Here's Johnny Carson's Personal Papers, and How You Can See Them , The Question: What is the leading cause of divorce? pants. . ), The Question: Who is the largest conservative in the Republican Party? Q: What do you call dressing up as a tree? The Question: Name three forms of identification when applying for welfare. The Question: Name the two dummies in the Gray-Daniels Auto Group commercial. ANSWER: Big Ben, Joe Nameth and the candidates' campaign promises. Q: Who will they find sooner than Jimmy Hoffa? Wikizero - Carnac the Magnificent Q: Name three movements. Carnac the Magnificent, a turbaned psychic, could answer questions before seeing them. The Question: What is the new slogan at Taco Bell? However, it was his allusion to the old college cheer that gained him the loudest and longest laugh of the night. A: E.S.T., P.M. and B.M. Sunday, 16 December 2018. Dont break the concentration of the mystic from the East, or he will place a curse on you! Q: Name a spud, a stud and a dud. you? A: Lorne Green. A: Shake and bake. A: 13 Queens Boulevard. Carnac the Magnificent, in which Carson played a psychic who clairvoyantly divined the answer to a question contained in a sealed envelope. Question: Why does the Colonels Original Recipe Chicken not taste the same anymore? folks who ran "The Tonight Show" in the 70's. Although he retired in 1992 and died in 2005, the consensus remains that Johnny Carson was the greatest late night-talk show ever. Q: What do cannibals find hard to digest? Amazon.com: Carnac The Magnificent May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Sacred Marvels: 17 Cathedrals That Will Take Your Breath Away, In The comedy came from an unexpected question following a seemingly straightforward answer. We are now officially the living who envy the dead! A: R-O-L-A-I-D-S. These jokes aren't mine, copyright on them is held by the A: Baja. Q: What's the only thing President Carter didn't promise Name, in reverse order, a droll comedian, the first name of a popcorn purveyor and a fat, self-absorbed, obnoxious loser!" . Q: What do you look for when you're tracking a shoo-be-doo-be? All the funny items on this website are fictitious. Carson as Carnac the Magnificent Carnac the Magnificent was a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Johnny Carson Carnac the Magnificent replica prop hat. If a joke (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience (such as "May your favorite daughter be featured in NFL Films' Sack of the Week", "May a bloated yak change the temperature of your jacuzzi", "May you walk a mile under a diseased camel", "May a demented deer lock horns with your daughter's Kawasaki", "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person seated next to me, and may his arms be too short to scratch", "May a diseased camel be sick on your prayer rug", or "May your proctologist be a frustrated concert trombonist"). The Question: How tall would Clarnac have to be for his current weight to be his ideal weight. Related Topics. CARNAC: May a weird holy man light a Roman candle in your Q: What do you call tiny little dumps? Q: Who do you go to when you have a pain in your hickory Carnac the Magnificent In article <12@gitpyr.UUCP> gra@gitpyr.UUCP (Mark W Fouraker) writes: Paddy Chayevsky's "The Tenth Man" contains several curses on daughters-in-law. hair". ", "May the fairy god-camel leave a lump on your pillow! Q: What does a masseuse do to your dub-dub? Q: On a cold morning, what forms on de-grass? Adam and Eve had more problems than that forbidden apple. The cathedral was built in the 11th century and is renowned for its Byzantine architecture, including its stunning mosaics and frescoes. It was named in honor of the ancient Hagia Sophia in Constantinople and played a crucial role . A: A, B, C, D, E, F, G. be sending Georgia soon? Imgflip Pro Basic removes all ads. Carson Caucas 1984. May there be more than one of you to bear the mountain of misery and griefI wish upon you. Carnac: May the fleas of a thousand camels nest in your underpants. , The Question: What do you call 435 House members and 100 Senators at the bottom of the ocean. CARNAC: May the winds of the Sahara blow a desert scorpion Kentucky: The state that is being dragged, kicking and screaming, into the 20th century. ED: And now I hold in my hand the last envelope. violence? The Answer: Confused, weak, feeble, and uncertain. Make a meme Make a gif Make a chart The Magical Thinking of Trump. Q: How would a wino see the three musketeers. us? May you fall in the outhouse just as a regiment of Ukrainians finishes aprune stew and twelve barrels of beer. A: Jaques Cousteau. McMahon's closing announcement "I hold in my hand the last envelope" was always met with a loud cheer, prompting one final "curse". The Question: What did Rodneys doctor tell him when he asked for a second opinion? A: Pussy Willow. The Question: Describe how marriage is a 3-ring circus? Q: How did Marlon Perkins explain the rash on his thigh? A: The 11th Hour. (Ben Dover) , The Question: What is Richard Schwartz fee if he collects for you? A: Pat and Debby Boone. . station? A: Rocky, Network and The Silver Streak. Well, as it turns out, Parshas Balak starts off with this wicked king named Balak trying to get this wicked mystic named Bilaam to cast a curse upon the Jewish people. A: "The Front." "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts", or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister", or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits". "May your finger get stuck in your nose, and the nail continue to grow", (I have forgotten the origin of this one). Carnac the Magnificent Turban/Hat ", "Barometer, n. An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather we are having.". seats. A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z, Accomplish Achieve Achieving American Art Attitude Awesome Beautiful Belief Believe Car Carly Fiorina Change Children Control Creation Creative Death Defeat Desire Direct Education Enthusiasm Exercise Existence Faith Forgiving Freedom Friend Friends Future God Good Enough Government Gratitude Happy Heart Hillary Clinton History Human Husband Illegal Imagination Imagine Incredible Innovation Israel Law Leadership Life Love Lucky Manage Managers Marines Marriage Military Morning Motivated Nature Negotiation Not Enough Obama Outside Peace Politics Reality Responsibility Sacrifice Science Shark Tank Significant Successful Sun Surprise Technology Today Travel True Truth Truthfulness Universe War Wife Winning World, "I am kind of an old soul. As well, Eve was cursed that her husband should rule over her (see Genesis ibid), yet with the Womens Rights movement this has changed in a big way. Modern Day Curses - Monte R Anderson - Author A: Revenge of the Pink Panther. A: Shareholder. QUESTION: What does the president of Nestea use when his [+6] - George - 11/14/2011 Answer: A goober, a cruller, and OmSigDavid. The Question: What is Pete Buttigiegs favorite planet? [8], Since the 1980s, Howard Stern has paid tribute to Carnac the Magnificent, with his own skit called Sternac the Improbable. Q: What does Clark Kent wear to keep the sun out of his "What do you want to avoid doing when you shave her bocker? Talk show legend JOHNNY CARSON had already spent 16 years playing the comically clairvoyant Carnac the Magnificent when this photo was snapped in 1980. A: Rough cut. Please see our terms and conditions and disclaimer. A: Never on Sunday. Mouse over chart for play descriptions. CARNAC: May a crazed Arab repairman board up your A: An emerald, a screwdriver, and Chuck Barris. carnac the magnificent curses A: Deep freeze. CARNAC: May your wife give mouth-to-mouth resusitation to Browse more quotes by famous person's name. A: "Small craft warning!" Size: One SizeColor: Jumbo Gold/Purple Verified Purchase. The Question: Why do they lock gas station restrooms? Q: What did Yul Givens give after eating a prune tree? his neck? Here are a few of his curses: May a crazed weightlifter clean and jerk your sister. One was a bottle with a message in it that read, "Help! If one of Carnacs jokes (often a very bad pun) generated a negative response, Carnac would give a disapproving look, then cast a comedic "Middle Eastern curse" upon the audience. Q: What do you use to keep your ig from falling off? Or fastest delivery Mon, Mar 6 . Carnac the Magnificentwas a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carsonon The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. A: Black feet. Q: What do you call it when old topless dancers refuse to , The Question: Name a person who looks like Elmer Fudd, talks like Gomer Pyle, and dresses like Ellen Degeneres. Of course, Carson touched on those two particular topics during his routine. carnac the magnificent curses I have been collecting records, CDs and DVDs. The Question: Whats the name of Bidens black, female affirmative action nominee to the Supreme Court? A: "Rose Bowl." https://www.torchweb.org, Torah Outreach Resource Center of Houston, Please Patronize Our Calendar Advertisers - Full Listing. Carson would place each envelope against his forehead and predict the answer, such as Gatorade. The Question: Why do most married men die before their wives? HUMOR - THE BEST OF CARNAC - QUESTION: What would you find in - RomWell Clarnac doing verbal comedy bit for the hearing impaired. . A: Once is not enough. Clarnac: This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. A: Fun with Dick and Jane. A: Kirk Douglas, Terhan Bey and Earl Butz. Clarnac: (Glares at Ed) Clarnac is supposed to be the funny guy. A: Stick 'em up! Johnny Carson "Carnak The Magnificent" One Liners. The Question: Name four traits you have to have to be president in 2022. 2006 | CC. The Question: What are Kim Kardashians measurements? As a child of four can plainly see, these envelopes have been hermetically sealed. In article <42@kestrel.ARPA> t@kestrel.ARPA writes: > Comedic or not, "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" is. tooth? , The Question: Whats the name of Madonnas latest hit single? Q: Name a Fudd, a Mudd and a dud. Line: 192 The Answer: They found no brain activity. Good place to get some thinking done"-- Mr. Blore, the DJ who would not die {hplabs, seismo}!hao!udenva!showardor {boulder, cires, ucbvax!nbires, cisden}!udenva!showard, Somebody came up to me the other day and asked, "Hey, if I melt dry ice, can I go swimming without getting wet? prune juice? Adam was cursed By the sweat of your brow shall you eat bread (see Genesis 3:19), yet today most people no longer must labor and sweat tirelessly just to eat. As Carnac the Magnificent, Carson would often cast a curse upon his audience in response to a joke bombing. Q: On a cold morning what forms on your david? There are more than 10 alternatives to Carnac for Mac, Windows, Linux and Xfce. B. A: 60 Minutes. A: Eight is enough. As a child of four can nowadays. May a toothless holy man give your grandmother a hickey. Positive reaction would prompt disbelief from Carnac, stating the ease at which he could make people laugh, such as "This audience would laugh at Dinah Shore backing into a meat thermometer." [+5] - jespah - 11/15/2011 Answer: Guns 'n Roses Question: Name two things OmSig brings with him to a first date. The Answer: Hes 97 and we dont know where the hell he is. Carnac the Magnificent: Three Dog Night & Mount Baldy on - YouTube Lot Closed - Sold Price: Estimate: $ 400 - $ 600. This is seriously one of the best pranks ever! They've been kept in May the bluebird of happiness twiddle your bits. work? bathroom? QUESTION: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? I have been collecting some things that are kind of obsolete now. On one occasion frequently rebroadcast on anniversary shows, Carson's desk was replaced with a lightweight balsa-wood version; this allowed Carson to trip and smash through it. sister. The Answer: Kids, drunk people and tight yoga pants. Q: What do you call not getting busted? juice? Next Johnny will retaliate with a "Comedic Curse" such as: "May a misguided platypus lay its eggs in your jockey shorts" or "May a confused weightlifter clean and jerk your sister" or "May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits" which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. A: Mop and Glow. The Answer: He unfollowed Putin on Twitter. Zippo? kaleido? , What do diapers and politicians have in common? The Answer: Big Ben, Dak Prescott, and a politicians campaign promises. Paul? Forum Novelties. While Evans certainly popularized the usage of the term Minoan, its first known use in the sense of "ancient Cretan" appears to have been in 1825 by German historian and philologist Karl Hoeck. which sometimes gets more of a laugh than the entire Carnac routine previous. Q: What does it say on the side of Phyllis Diller's dress? Carnac Alternatives and Similar Software | AlternativeTo May a desert weirdo lower his figs into your mother's soup. I forgot aboutyour total recall. Tenor.com has been translated based on your browser's language setting. A: "Gung Ho!" QUESTION: What does an alligator get on welfare? Get Image May your only daughter take up with a yak of another faith. CARNAC: May a desert rat sunbathe on your radar range. Maybe someday we'll have a cannonical list.-- Al Schwartz Pacesetter Systems, Inc., Sylmar, CAUUCP: {ttidca|ihnp4|sdcrdcf|quad1|nrcvax|bellcore|logico}!psivax!alARPA: ttidca!psivax!a@rand-unix.arpa. "Oh, The Question: Name one person bitten by a shark, one person swallowed by big fish, and one person shot by a seal (a Navy Seal). The Answer: Howdy Doody, Jerry Mahoney, and Joe Biden. In article <9@psivax.UUCP> a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: In article <9@psivax.UUCP>, a@psivax.UUCP (Al Schwartz) writes: I remember some of these from some book or other on the joys of. Q: What do you hear when you put an amplifier in your gunga? Lot #220 ED McMAHON JOHNNY CARSON CARNAC THE MAGNIFICENT HAT. One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. Introducing: Carnac the Magnificent (crowd cheers). In his final message, Carson choked back tears while thanking fans for their continual support. A: Double hernia. This crowd is tougher than a camel pot roast. sister's hooped skirt. A: "Coming home." Is that a reptile? Q: Name three things that go to the bathroom outdoors. Carnac the Magnificent - Wikipedia A: The Newlywed Game. A: Milk and honey. "Answer: Donald, Benji, and Alexis CarringtonRips open envelopeQuestion: Name a duck, mutt, and a ****.Karnak foresees the answer -- "Bobby Orr, Bobby Hull, Ed Sullivan. The resulting jokes often involved puns or wordplay; for example, "The La Brea Tar Pits" was the answer to "What do you have left after eating the La Brea Tar Peaches? [1] A: Madame Kitty. [1] The Answer: Because they are afraid someone will clean them. Q: Name two countries and a luncheon special at the NBC The famous sage and soothsayer, all-knowing, all-seeing, all-omniscient, a weekend proctologist, and former Twitter advisor for President Donald J. Trump. May your platform shoes fail you in a camel pasture. Line: 478 Q: Who's the new traffic advisor to Los Angeles? "Opens envelope for question: "Name two hockey players and a hockeypuck. The act involved a variation of the magician's billet reading trick: divining the answer to a question written on a card sealed inside one of the envelopes, announcing it to the audience, then tearing open the envelope to reveal the question. , The Question: What is the name the new Disney fat stripper movie. Clarnac: I hope it has instructions to get out of here. This was to some degree a variation on Steve Allen's recurring "The Question Man" sketch. A: The Orient express. seen them before. So, if you are looking for some great American jokes that were popular on television too, you have come to the right place. The Answer: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering. Carson . The perfect Carnac The Magnificent Johnny Carson The Tonight Show Animated GIF for your conversation. Inning. If you are of a certain age, you might yet remember Carnac the Magnificent, a recurring comedic role played by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. , The Question: What is the female version of Viagra? Wheres the exit sign? QUESTION: Name a clock, a jock and a crock. Q: What do they put on horses at the Preparation H Ranch? Q: What were some of the earlier forms of Preparation H? A: Until he gets caught. Currently showing results page 1,636 of 2,021. Q: What do you call a cop who frisks himself? The Answer: An Oscar, an Emmy, a Grammy, and two Golden Globes. The Question: Name one of Washington DCs many famous oxymorons. Q: How do you tell a Sha not to do something? The Question: Whats the name of the hooker Clarnac took the prom during his senior year in high school? 1981 | TV-14 | CC. Q: What do CIA agents have to remember to go to the A: All the President's men. Function: _error_handler, File: /home/ah0ejbmyowku/public_html/application/views/user/popup_harry_book.php Our users have written 2 comments and reviews about Carnac, and it has gotten 25 likes. The Answer: I didnt think I had enough gas. (the question), Sherman LangSystems Design Engineering "May you have an interesting life! 4.0 out of 5 stars Great for Carnac The Magnificent. Q: What do they call the entrance to "The Gong Men's Giant Turban Costume Accessory. Q: What do you call an agreement with Don Rickles? "Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes. Q: Name a fawn, a lawn and a yawn. "A triple and a double, catcher's and fielder's, and Dolly Parton""Name two big hits, two big mitts..and a famous country singer! One of Carson's most well-known characters, Carnac was a "mystic from the East" who could psychically "divine" unknown answers to unseen questions. , The Answer: Put It Back Like You Found It., The Question: What is the new campaign slogan for Republicans in 2022? , The Question: What do you call a Methodist who is not afraid of water? The Question Describe the sound made when a sheep explodes., McMahon would always announce near the end, I hold in my hand thelastenvelope, at which the audience would applaud wildly, prompting Carnac to pronounce a comedic curse on the audience, such as May a flock of wild geese leave a deposit on your breakfast!, May your sister elope with a camel!, May a diseased yak take a liking to your sister, or the most famous: May the bird of paradise fly up your nose!. Jokes would also be topical; for instance, "Over 105 in Los Angeles" (presumably referring to the temperature) instead led to "Under the Reagan plan, how old would you have to be to collect Social Security?" . ", -- -----------------------------------------------------------------------------Rudy Rumohr Jr. 3339 N. Charles St Apartment 1-ALUUCP: ihnp4!whuxcc!jhunix!ins_armr -or- Baltimore, MD 21218 seismo!umcp-cs!jhunix!ins_armr -or- allegra!hopkins!jhunix!ins_armrARPANET: ins_armr%jhunix@wiscvm.ARPA. Q: How does a stupid person spell "backgammon"?
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