I didnt get the sense that the LW is only liking or disliking things to get closer to her daughter. I had loving parents, and I thought Wendy was off and the dad seems a bit off and sounds degrading. Oh trust me, the Buffy fanbase is alive and strong just go check out r/Buffy!
Why Is My Husband Driving My Daughter Away (15 Reasons) I fell in love with football and cooking and baseball, which were things he loved. I dont know if its The Best thing, but its very important and Im glad for all the things he exposed me to. Right, but it didnt seem, to me, like Jennifer was allowing for that distinction. I dont know why the father doesnt like Star Trek, but shows like Eureka, Warehouse 13, and Revolution are all pretty good cross sections of fangirlyness and science. I think what Wendy is missing in her response is dealing with the fathers attitude towards his daughters interests. but this might be the best Ive ever read here. The Inner Light, frequently hailed as one of the most poignant sci-fi television episodes of all time. Shes not pulling away from the husband because he doesnt have the same interests as her daughter. My eldest daughter left for university five years ago and has never come home, though I do chat with her by phone. I think the fathers criticism is a major problem, although I also think the daughter should be encouraged to become educated and skillful in the things hes attempting to teach her too (life is better when youre well-rounded and competent in a lot of things). My mother attended maybe a handful of my softball games in the 10 years I played competitively. Its great to have an involved parent, but its also good to take a step back and take time for yourself and your marriage. Then ice cream after. If a father is not present in his daughters life, she may feel neglected and unloved. When I surprised her with it, she told me that we dont have any friends and why would I think that shed want to waste a whole weekend in some hotel when we could be painting the bedroom and actually accomplishing something. It should open up LWs eyes to the reality of the situation. Highlight their special talents and abilities. Make it easier for him to be his best self. It is best to talk with a counselor or therapist if you believe there is serious dysfunction in your marriage. I think the dad sounds like kind of a jerk, and heres why growing up (and now, lets be real), I was a total geek for many things, including Star Wars (and I was born in 84, so it was years behind the times for me, too). Team sports, outdoorsy, tomboyish stuff. Its full of teen girls going crazy for Star Trek. You're surely not alone. I hated, and still do, all of those things. 6napkinburger Its not your fault if your partner and daughter dont get along. My parents didnt take me to the local library because they hated driving, but they would drag my sister and I on hours-long drives on some Sundays, with stops in the woods to walk around for no apparent reason. Im sure BOTH the LW ~and~ her husband could benefit from those. I mean you describe your partner (who sounds amazing BTW) as cultivating her interests and introducing her to things which doesnt sound like what this dad is doing. Mommy and daddy love each other. I dont care if they actually do or not, hes the adult and shes the kid here, so he needs to act like it. Obsessed with dolls? And the Inner Light is a great episode, I watched it recently on Netflix. Thinks hes hilarious). However, he also needs to learn to compromise. But mom, dont do the us versus him. Learning about give and take in a relationship is very important for a 12 year old (who can often be very self-centered at that age) to know. Eating vegetables or just trying any new food? Neither does your husband. Before reading Wendys answer you and your daughter sound awesome! Wow, Im glad Im not the only one whose beliefs on the cosmos/humanity have been influenced by Star Trek. Hopefully, when he sees that it's his entire family that is worried, he'll see that change is needed.
Then he said he was going out to watch the game at a bar because he needed time alone, and that hed be home in a couple of hours. We watched Eureka last year and our daughter loved it and talked about it with her friends. Honestly, I think those first two sentences were the best point Wendy made. As a kid, I was really into the idea of going to museums and seeing plays, but my parents refused to indulge me on it because they wanted me to like the outdoors, hunting, etc. 2. for making her suffer through these things she finds boring, but the resentment will be short-term and the benefits will last much longer. If the father wants his daughter to respect his interests, then he needs to be the adult and show her how adults should behave and respect hers. I would just like to briefly brag about my dad and how were going to this awesome music festival together this summer!!! Sometimes it can be a simple matter of communication, or a lack thereof. The variables didnt add up, but you were determined to hang in there and solve the situation by wits and endurance. Last Friday night, he worked late and came home exhausted. Wendy, I too got the us against him mentality from this LW. Find your shared interests and go from there? This can cause a lot of tension in the family. He said he wasnt hungry and why would I think hed want to eat after a rotten day? July 3, 2013, 1:06 am, Honestly, no matter WHAT the mom was a fan of my response would have been the same. He was just happy that I was excited about reading. I mean, maybe? Intelligent people can like these things but does that mean that a father should promote them? Actually, my husbands a pretty big fanboy in general. He may be uncomfortable talking about his feelings or sharing personal stories. For starters, almost NONE of the things your daughter is a fangirl of are even vaguely STILL hot among her peers. Who knows what interests of your husbands she may learn to appreciate if she were more exposed to them. Jordan was my fave back in the day. Hes a good person, but our relationship as two adults is not a close one and at times feels forced on my end because I still dont know how to be myself around him. A: There are two things to consider here. That made me feel really loved and gave me a sense of confidence that is so, so important in a young girl (well, anyone, really). Our 17-year-old son is still at home but can't wait to leave to get away from the constant friction and ill-feeling around the house. Are they driven by some internal fear or do they just get off on the game? Her mission is to share practical and realistic parenting advice to help the parenting community becoming stronger. Its a really nice time to shoot the shit and get your head clear fishing can be very enjoyable, plus you have a free meal at the end of it! What To Do When My Husband Is Driving My Daughter Away? Because my dad took the time to foster this in me, it has not only made my relationship with him stronger, but with others as well. July 3, 2013, 9:47 am. You wouldnt even ask that of an adult; why do you expect a kid to be okay with it? Otherwise, how are kids going to learn tolaugh at themselves? I strongly agree with this.
Ask Fiona: My husband is driving our kids away, my friend has an Anytime someone starts a comment with an um, I dont bother reading it because its bound to be condescending. Someone gets one out and I want to vomit. He also occasionally went to movies with us. THIS is the problem, not the fact that a 12-year-old girl likes 12-year-old girl things. Sci-Fi is a great gateway to get kids interested in sciencethere was a museum exhibit traveling around called Star Wars: Where Science Meets Imagination, and theres a similar one about Indiana Jones and archaeology. Im sure he didnt really care about the Anne of Green Gables books or obscure Star Wars characters. Seriously, though I obviously realize the error of my ways now My point being that while my dad exposed me to things that interested him, he also jumped feet first into things that interested me and NEVER EVER made me feel silly or stupid because I was a 12 year old who liked things that other 12 year olds did. Its so easy to kill that spark in a child, well done to the mum for supporting her daughter in doing what she loves! He was my softball coach for most of the 10 years I played, I LOVE sports, we have gone together to countless games over the years, just him and I, I go to him with any car/computer/cooking/etc question I have, I can talk to him about anything, I have always been his little girl (Not to say Im not close with my mom, I am) and that father/daughter relationship I had with my dad growing up, I wouldnt change it for the world. (Okay, okay, I am projecting here, but again, I had way too many friends who were all way to into Buffy back in the day. What?! Make it a game. Maybe raising a daughter with a social perspective. I read baby sitter club books and was part of the official fan club. As always, your anonymity is golden. This makes me so deeply jealous. Oh and get this, occasionally, I orchestrate it so hes not the asshole no-fun mr knitknots type, and I do unfun things, like make her come serve soup at a homeless kitchen or walk dogs at the SPCA or help our elderly neighbour do various stuff. Absolutely Dad! Mommy and daddy present a united front. I was hoping to be able to tell her that she has a grandbaby coming, but its still too early to know. What kind of history and science is your husband into? If he had been the one to write to me, Id be giving him an earful, believe me), but it only means you need to step up and be MORE parental, which includes putting your daughters interests first. The letter says the daughter cant watch what she is interested in when he is around. Is It My Fault If My Partner And Daughter Dont Get Along? if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_18',131,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[120,600],'therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2','ezslot_19',131,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-mobile-leaderboard-2-0_1');.mobile-leaderboard-2-multi-131{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:15px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:15px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:600px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}However, when conflict arises between a parent and child, it can be even more difficult to resolve. And while there are many reasons why daughters might want their parents to split up, here are some of the most common ones: If your daughter has seen you and your husband arguing or otherwise being unhappy together, she may start to feel like she needs to choose sides. My dad did tell me they were awful back in the day but he still bought me all the tapes and magazines and t-shirts and let me plaster my walls with their posters and drove me to their concert. When I was 12 I thought New Kids on the Block was a real legitimately talented band. If he hadnt put in the time when I was a kid, I doubt wed have that relationship. bittergaymark Loved Jurassic Park and Baywatch of all things. Or other strategy games (Small World, Ivanhoe, Nuns on the Run) might be a great way for all of you to connect. Dont you think that much of parenting is ramming things down their throat. And hed be more likely to help her find an actual interest, not just an ability to tolerate. (Which is fine, I guess. What To Do When Your Partner and Daughter Dont Get Along? bittergaymark If the later is the case, I would seriously consider whether or not husband wants to change and work on himself and if not, I would maybe get out. You may not see the rewards right away. . Not knowing who the Beatles were, I thought it was something ABOUT beetles, and asked them Is it interesting? . You need to be aware that it is possible he may resist your attempts to change things and he may even get angry, so you will need to stand firm. They have their own part to play in the healing of the relationship. Game of Thrones? July 3, 2013, 2:36 pm. Its important to remember that it is not always your fault if your partner and child dont get along. My parents eventually got divorced, and I actually think without that, I might not have such a good relationship with my father (who I am much more like as an adult than my mother) or the family on his side, because of how my mom made it us against him when I was little. Making your kids do shit they dont necessarily like a lot is just life. Id even argue that as the adult here, he should be putting in more of an effort to accept her for who she is and take an interest in what she likes, instead of the other way around. And in the end its the time together, more than what youre actually doing, that makes the difference. Yes, he makes fun of my sister and mother and i whenever we talk a lot about Girly things, like makeup and hair, which I find annoying and a little jerky; but I dont think hes failed at parenting because of it. You have to do whats best for yourself and your family. Camping? Thats awesome! (I should note now that I have 2 sisters and a brother, but this is before the younger two were born. Hold on there, NKOTB are STILL awesome! I get that it is tough to have her be mad at you sometimes even though you really enjoy the things she does, but that is just part of being a parent, and keeping a healthy marriage. She occasionally plays them with her friends but she could care less whether she wins or loses because she doesnt care for them and so she isnt invested in the game. And my fingers are still crossed for you , kerrycontrary And like I said above, I like the idea of assignments to widen your daughters horizons. I feel like this could have been written by my mom, to an extent.
The meaning of driving a car in a dream - WellBeing Magazine Thats unfortunate (to say the least! But nurturing these relationships between your daughter and both you and your husband while exposing her to things that may or may not be of immediate interest to her WILL help her be a more well-rounded, confident young woman secure in the knowledge that both her parents love her. Exactly! You and your husband are partners and your job is to guide your daughter lovingly into adulthood, giving her all the tools you can to be independent, strong, and self-assured. I dont think theres anything wrong with taking a child camping who doesnt necessarily like it that much. Well, how nice for you that your 12-year-old daughter is interested in all the same things youre interested in! Being oblivious to financial matters.
My husband is driving me crazy over my daughters wedding Yeah, I think its going to be hard for her to get her husband to listen to her parent to parent if hes already being alienated. He is, however, driven and self-reliant. No, but we went, because thats how we spent time together- projects and DIY fixes. If your H has strong BPD traits, his child-like behavior is easy to explain because his emotional development likely is frozen at about age four. But sometimes, this relationship can be strained. Encourage her to have fun with him. Huge!! My parents did stuff with me because I wanted to and vice versa, of course thats important! Agree i cant imagine being receptive to spending time with my dad when it consists of him mocking what my 12-year old self likes AND assigning me reading assignments. He is honest, reliable, and sincere. And thats always stuck with me, and I find myself thinking about it a lot whenever theres something I dont want to do but that I know is the right thing. From one mom to another. She didnt even have to lock me in the basement. Im not saying that its ok for parents to openly derisively mock their children or laughing at their failures or their humiliation.
8 Signs Your Partner Is Causing Harm To Your Family Relationships - Bustle But he always treated me like an adult and respected and loved me and I think he had a huge hand in making me a pretty confident 24 year old woman and I know what I want and deserve from boyfriends. It cant be. If you want to bring about change in your family, though, you are going to have to get him to confront the fact that his behaviour is hurtful, destructive, and possibly even cruel. And imagine the lesson you would have learned if your dad had rolled his eyes at your piano recital, etc. But, of course, that would require HIM to take an interest in something his daughter likes in order to find that common ground. Youre mad at your dad, not at me! I think most people worry about their daughters if they arent active enough and lay around watching tv or reading too much. (Its not in the joking way, either, but in the Temperance never gets to choose another movie again way.). I assumed it was more than just playful eye rolling because of the added detail about disparaging remarks. July 3, 2013, 3:53 am, Music or even musical pop icons was, curiously, NEVER mentioned specifically by the LW. June 30, 2022 by Team The Relationship Notes. These dreams can also give you advice about what you need to do to steer your life in the direction you would like it to go. If your teenager is starting to pull away, it is important to resist the urge to panic or try to force them to spend more time with you. July 2, 2013, 1:12 pm, It wasnt deliberate. If shes expected to learn to take an interest in HIS hobbies, its fair that the same be expected of him every so often. Also, at some point, the kids will leave you and then what will you do? He wants her to watch history and science shows with him, and go hiking, camping and backpacking. Sure, he dragged me out on hikes that I hated, and I was a brat and pain during many of them. 1. Man, thinking about those early teenage years still strikes a nerve. My inner fan girl is all riled up now =). Yes, this is the stuff a 7th grade girl needs to hear to boost her self-esteem. Show interest in his interests. Well, I feel like I may offer a different perspective on this. Before the 12 year was born. Scifi and fantasy have an adult audience for a reason (and a lot of the scientists on your husbands shows were inspired to study it because of Star Trek and the like). Yeah, unless you get something you cant do like spell backwards while jumping on one foot, then it just sucks, and you feel stupid. In reality, I think its probably somewhere between the two extremes and I think the LW has a chance to strengthen her bond with her husband and the bond between child and dad. Be her parent and let her friends be her friends. Oh, how fun for all three of you to just sit around endlessly for hours while the dvd player spins Buffy endlessly And then, next, comes Angel! We all died laughing. As you agree, there needs to be a balance and it sounds like Dad is the only one whose realized that. There are times I dont have any interest in my husbands hobbies, but I know that if I go with him to a Magic: The Gathering tournament this weekend, hell accompany me to see the new Pixar movie when I want to go. July 2, 2013, 12:42 pm. We watch those shows now, pre-children, but I assume well continue to do so once we have kids. My personal relationship with my dad was almost non-existent when I was a tween/early teen, except for those forced family moments. Your husband and your daughter are both geeks at heart, which is encouraging. lets_be_honest Heck Yes! Both parents have to work on appreciating her interests and her, while asking her to explore theirs as well. Absolutely. my parents made us go to church every Sunday then come home and watch meet the press. PostedOctober 22, 2014 July 2, 2013, 2:36 pm. Dream! His dad wasnt a particularly avid fisherman, he just thought it would be a good father-son activity. Some article about historical events that are echoed in Firefly, for example, or some new technology that brings us one step closer to Star Trek, or the genuine history of witchcraft that was included in Harry Potter. Spyglassez I thought you might like it because of x,y, and z. Yes, I know firsthand how much some Buffy fans just need to shut up about that blasted show. I hiked and canoed. My dad really, really loves talking about the 60s, and some aspects of it, like the space race, I care about but dont really find compelling enough to discuss, but other parts, like the JFK assassination, Im fascinated by, so we talk about that a lot, along with the Civil Rights movement and what it was like to watch (he was there! I reminded him that he likes sex better in the morning and he called me frigid and slept on the couch. The mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter away, but she has a few theories. I just wonder if there is an approach I have not considered. You do her a disservice by being greedy with her time and attention.
Is Your Partner Driving You Crazy? | Psychology Today My Husband Is An Angry Parent And I Hate It - Scary Mommy I dont remember how old I was, but I distinctly remember the night they gave me that tape and told me what was on it. Get the help you need from a therapist near youa FREE service from Psychology Today. I think theres something to be said for being well-rounded. I watched a show about what would happen if aliens were discovered, and I know there are some about how realistic certain science fiction shows are. Saying they were weird made me feel like the lesser for having been touched by their stories. This is the one person in the entire world who truly has your back.
AITA for saying my husband's ex is interfering? : r/AmItheAsshole Weird. Seriously, have you heard their new stuff? Its a source of strength, comfort, and love. If you have a question for me about relationships, addiction, dating, friendship, depression, sex, consent, what I'm watching, what I'm reading, Black Agate, or anything at all, use the contact form below or email me at askerin@ravishly.com. That being said, its important to have fun hobbies, and I agree with their is a balance. How to Convince a Senior to Stop Driving. My dad had a This Old House sweatshirt even! I helped with yard work. Huge difference one is laughing with you, one is laughing at you and I think when your daughter is 12 and you are having trouble getting along that it is on the adult/father to go the extra mile and make sure that you arent being a jackass in an effort to be humorous. Express appreciation in your husbands interests so that your daughter may learn to appreciate them or at least be curious about them too. I think your daughter will be too, if you listen to Wendy.. Their partners also need to understand that most of the sabotaging behavior is not only unintended but carries significant grief and guilt with it. My dad probably had no interest in my piano recitals or spelling bees, but he sure knew how to act like they were the most important things in the world to him. In her mind, hes the only man who should be in your life and she may feel like shes losing him if you get divorced. if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,100],'therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3','ezslot_14',135,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-therelationshipnotes_com-leader-3-0');Here are some things you can do: Its not always easy to find the right balance between your spouse and your child, but it is possible. Um, Im in my twenties and all my friends like these things. It's never easy when feelings like this are not returned, but she needs to accept that a relationship with this guy seems to be a non-starter. July 2, 2013, 3:17 pm. He's always putting him down. lets_be_honest A parent who can laugh at themselves when they mess up, and teaches the kid to laugh at themselves and to see the humor without feeling attached is key. Maybe even consider making those things, like hiking or whatever, family events, so that its not a choice between a fun thing with mom and a thing she doesnt like as much with dad. He thinks it's ridiculous. Sorry Wendy (and LW) I think your answer was as wrong as it was long. Within a year of this, my dad became abusive. Though of course, there are ways to encourage a daughter to experience some parts of being a teenage girl which also are good (like trying to get them to go to at least one sporting event in high school if they have someone to go with, trying to get them to ask one person out on a date, to invite one person over to hang out, etc.) People who are closed-off in this way often become so as a result of a previous emotional trauma or traumas. She SHOULD be more informed and its good that her dad wants her to be. My mistake then we read the play and watched the movie, and they went NUTS for the story. One of the strangest experiences of my life was attending a Sci-Fi convention with her on a lark where we learned she is on a Franklin Mint plate!! Seriously though, Joss Whedon writes amazing TV his shows are some of the best the medium has to offer. How to Make a Girl Chase You Over Text After Sex, mother is at a loss as to why her husband is driving her daughter, reason is that hes trying to save his daughter, My Boyfriend And His Daughter Act Like A Couple (10 Solutions), Boost Your Friends Mood with These Short Positive Affirmations, Why Some People Are Jealous of Your Success, 110 Millionaire Affirmations to Attract Wealth, 10 Ways To Get a Busy Man to Make Time for Love, 51 Emotional Wellness Goals to Transform Your Life. A little . But hes an adult and should show an equal interest in what his daughter likes instead of disparaging her interests and rolling his eyes at her. My interests are pretty close to hers (and yours!) 6napkinburger They have to come at this from a position of mutual respect. Im still mad at my parents for allowing me to grow up without listening to Led Zeppelin. Hed take me to Barnes and Noble and buy me a new Star Wars fan magazine every time. This year I took her to the Botanical Gardens not my first choice of activities, but it was a nice day and the gardens are pretty. So as a clearly NOT fan girl, its pretty good! Obviously, this is as much your husbands job as it is yours, but right now it seems hes threatened by the bond you share with your daughter and is acting childish. Shes lashing out and pushing back because hes hurting her. July 2, 2013, 11:03 am.
My Husband Hates My Daughter! 4 Ways To Fix A Broken Relationship I get that maybe he feels like an alien within you & daughters girl bubble, but the way to fix that is not to strong-arm her into liking National Geographic. We are this little team of 2. I love it. Rather than the lover-partner-wife-prized companion to be loved and cherished and lavished with attention slot. When I asked why she didn't say something to him then, she said that they only ever talk about college stuff and the moment never seems to be quite right. It is as if some hidden combination of childhood trauma and life experience made them terrified to owe their partners anything. And then it was like ok, you dont have to do that (not that I ever DID have to, I wanted to go, and then discovered it sucked). Maybe they both like pizza or Indian food or something; then Dad can take her out to dinner or cook with her. My teenage kids are miserable & he treats them like they are toddlers. In the past, every day held exciting discoveries about the one whose ring you now wear on your finger. He started throwing me out at 13 for reasons like my friend being weird, my hair being weird, my music being terrible, etc. In the last 2-3 years my husband and daughter have has a strained and tense relationship because of her actions and his attitude.
What to do? Hubby drives drunk with our kids! - today.com Settlers of Catan! It is definitely a good idea for the LW to lead her daughter by example by showing an interest in Dads interests and even suggesting an outing that he would like or that all of them would enjoy. He went to jail for beating up his new wife and hurting her little boy. A parent should NEVER make fun of their child. This time is precious and its fleeting, and its understandable that you want to be well, greedy with it. And dont EVER talk negatively about one spouse to your children. I actually agree with this wholeheartedly, and Im happy for you, your partner, and your little girl! But it was annoying. WTF youre her mother not her BFF get it together and help your husband round her out! My Dad and I had similar interests so it was real easy to build a relationship with him with my sister not so much, he didnt know how to relate to her as she had all the same interests as my mother. Our daughter just turned thirteen and she loves Star Trek, Dr. Who, Cat Warriors, fantasy books, theater and acting and swimming. Driving a car in dreams can reveal thoughts and feelings about who or what is controlling your life, how in or out of control you feel, and how clear you are about your goals or destination in life.