Individual use is by implied consent. You can see why: Altitude is life insurance. ", The customs agent began his interrogation "Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband, or illegal drugs in your possession? 5. I'm impressed! You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. Proceed at your own risk. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Pointing to the Airborne wings on my Army uniform, I explained, The last time someone gave me wings, I had to jump out of the airplane.. As A.J. When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. These pilots' jokes can easily be turned into a pilot pun and other airlines' jokes. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? You had tents?" 1. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. [Easy] How to Clean Rust off of a Gun Without Damaging it? ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. !An angry voice finally replied, My name aint George!. Chicago. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. Airman: "The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside!" Soldier: "No way, you guys had air conditioners? Thats why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. We recommend our users to update the browser. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? . I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. Long Haul I was very nervous, she said. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. 12. If pilots screw up, they die. So I quit ordering it.. She's been working as a writer, editor, QA specialist, and SEO professional for more than four years. Decodes 7. 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? Landings are mandatory. They know how to take up space. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. These one-liner jokes about the Coast Guard life are bound to make any Coastie crack up. It does look like its been fished out from the bottom of the sea.. You divertyour course! It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. She observed that the men now walked over 20 paces BEHIND their wives! Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. He started this website while transitioning out of the Marines, and since has recruited several other Marines to help him work on the Marine Approved website. S | Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Keep up with Katee on Instagram and linkedin.com. 66. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. 6. Of course, he responded. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, "Last one off the plane has to clean it", 25. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first shot. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. Every military branch thinks that theyre the best, the most important, and in their own way the hardest working. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Soldier: WTF, you had air conditioners? Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. Dad got quiet. Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. You should always use any of that variety of jokes sparingly. I thought I was on top of my game that day, but he was quite scrupulous, as evidenced by the fact that his written evaluation of me cited this issue: Instructor loses eye contact with class while writing on blackboard.. Military jokes! He had noticed that, for the umpteenth time, a recruit kept going to his right on a left command. ! Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. Warren and Joy agreed and up they went. Gary Toohard. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. Do not conduct live fire exercises at the generals (unattended) jeep, even if its parked in an area clearly marked Live Fire Zone. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! 17. Air Traffic Control 6. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. Next to your name, the sergeant said, initial it. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. She has a Bachelor of Arts in English from the University of Alabama in Huntsville. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? Even his son turned up. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. When the general asked, Which outfit are you in? the Marine replied, Dress blues, sir, with medals!. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. It took the poor guy all day. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. 64. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. After working his magic, the barber exclaimed, There you go, Yank. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. 41. Bomber Pilots Do Them Too. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. As I stepped forward, she jokingly offered me one, but I passed. Caller: Sgt. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Aircraft Carriers Airshows Aviation History Aviation Humor Books Civil Aviation Cold War Era Drones F-14 Tomcat Helicopters Losses/Aviation Safety MiG Killers Military Aviation Space SR-71 Blackbird SR-71 Top Speed U.S. Navy Warbirds Weapons Yearly Summary. We are directly under the moon.. So he yells to the soldiers in back to throw things out to make the plane lighter. Any attempt to stretch fuel is guaranteed to increase headwind. He snapped off a Halt! shouted our drill instructor. Not long after, I had a large kettle of soup simmering. When Is Military Appreciation Month? I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Rodrigues? Every one knows the definition of a good landing is one you can walk away from. When I spotted a Navy captain on the street, I saluted and bellowed, LST 395, which was the designation and number of the ship I served on during World War II. Pre-flight briefing from Canadian Air Force Pilot If you hear me yell Eject, Eject, Eject, the last two will be echoes. ", The engineer said, 'Look, I'm an engineer. What do hungry Marines eat? Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Why Do We Celebrate It? I instantly knew I was in the right outfit when I looked around. You the eighth, the old Marine answered. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to join the Marines.. I was working in Army security when a VIP from another base called to ask to whom he should address an important letter. The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. There are optimists and pessimists in aviation. Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. Eat up! Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? I waited for whoever it was to prove he was an American and reply with the countersign, Marshall. Instead, silence.George! My father was serving in a port city in postWorld War II Germany when a ship laden with GIs docked. you cant do both. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Its where we park the helicopters.. Basic Army training rules goes as follows: If it moves, salute it. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. Now, lets try it again! He told them "you must find your own way to this beach head for 0600 tomorrow morning, there you will be tested like never before". Flight Announcements 4. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? Overheard on a flight into Regina, on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight to control it. The Lasting Supper One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. It was sheer brilliance. What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? Aircraft Engineers 1. We were a tough group. Reply: This is a lighthouse your call.. Building the Army is a part of the government's tasks, and the military is made to protect citizens during war-time. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. Rodrigues there? Related read: When Is Military Appreciation Month? with someone braver than you.'. 4. MARCH! Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . One day, the pilot of a single-engine Cherokee was told by the tower to hold short of the runway while a DC-8 landed. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Yes, she said. Home Blog 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition). Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. There are many branches of the military. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. This program is designed to provide a way for websites to earn advertising fees by linking to Amazon. This site contains affiliate links. The pilot tries to pull up, but with all their cargo, the plane is too heavy. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? A PETTY officer! Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. We were inspecting several lots of grenades. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am" he said, "Do all these children and this luggage belong to you? While everyone was concentrating on the task at hand, I held up a spare pin and asked, Has anyone seen my grenade?. Here are some favorites from rallypoint.com: Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. It was World War IIthe frontand we were on high alert. 3. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. Return to Humor Index. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Caller: OK. 10. Takeoffs are optional. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Whats the main mission of the Marine Corps? 10. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a We were marching to the chow hall when we spotted a pathetic-looking recruit standing at attention by a mailbox, a whole book of stamps plastered to his forehead. 1. During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. 40. They throw out a pistol. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the ground.. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? A lot of the jokes on this list I heard while I was in the Marines, but I want to give credit to our friends at ralleypoint.com and unijokes.com. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. What do Marines have in common with other members of the Armed Forces? Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers: A. Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. Stay out of clouds. Aviation JOKES. Being in the military is no laughing matter, but you know what can liven the spirits of those who serve or have served? While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. I served in Japan, said Uncle Sid. Rodrigues there? Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. The steaming jungles of Vietnam were not my husbands first choice of places to spend his 21st birthday. You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. Reproduction of any part of this website without direct permission is prohibited. What would As A.J. Me: Still the wrong number. Caller: Do you have his right number? 28. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. ", "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?". A military captain saying I was just thinking and some others fell to the ground quickly and did their push-ups. No, we dont, she said. 54. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Founded in 2010, Thought Catalog is owned and operated by The Thought & Expression Company, Inc. For over a decade, we've been at the bleeding edge of media, pioneering an infrastructure for creatives to flourish both artistically and financially. Katees passion for writing and fascination for language has forever guided her path in life. It helps to keep the pilot cool. 30. 1. I walked into the orderlys room and asked Sarge if I could borrow his master key. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . The other replied, Not me! Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. What does ARMY mean to you? Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. You might be in the Coast Guard if you think of Fridays as field days. Sure!With that, he revved up the razor, clipped off my sideburns, and gave them to me. Theres a post recall and he went to work. Caller: Is Sgt. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. His reply was quick and to the point: You didnt.. The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know it costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane?, Without hesitating the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth! During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. What are you doing? I asked. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said, "What a cute little plane. 13:30 comes and goes. This is really good, he said. Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike? After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. What grades do you need to get to join the Navy? 34. Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. He finally comes dragging in at. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. Some of the jokes on this list you may not fully understand or appreciate unless you were actually in the military, but most of them I think anyone can appreciate. A sailor and a marine are both in the bathroom peeing. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Do you want to hear about my plane?. Hotel/Car Rental Shuttle Bus Vehicle subject to paranormal effects. The Marine said Are you crazy? 38. He nodded. February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. They want their patients to see 20:20! A Military lab has developed a pizza that boasts a shelf life of three years without being frozen, and now the Week has asked its readers to name this durable dish. 49. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). P | Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. Finally, exasperated the frog asked, "What is the matter with you? Then one day I couldnt find it. Thank you, sir. the Soldier responds. 'Never tell the Platoon Sergeant. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. Our puns and jokes are here for the soldiers as well as everyone else to enjoy. USN: Helos Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Do you know where the sensor is located? my coworker asked. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. I asked an employee whether they still carried my deodorant. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. The military refers to a collection of all the armed forces of a particular country.. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? He says, Anyway, enough about me. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. Connors eyes went from one to the other, and then he asked in a puzzled voice, You used to be a bear?. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. When they landed, the pilot turned to Warren and said, "By golly, I did everything I could to get you to yell out, but you didn't. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? At least SEVEN Cs! You know you cant outrun a bear, right?, The soldier said, The way I see it, I just have to outrun you.. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the flight attendant, "and it took . Knowing my tough-to-spell last name would give him fits, I said, Just put down Sergeant Gary, as my last name is too hard. Ive been sandblasted.. Looking for military boot camp jokes? Forty years later, Dad met the man responsible, and he told him how impressed he had been. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. Ocean Pearl, I answered. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. Aviation Humor. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. One day, I was told As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Put your hand up if youre the laziest., 24 men raised their hands, so the senior chief turns to the last man and says, Why didnt you raise your hand, sailor?, The sailor replies, It was too much trouble, senior chief.. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. ", 55. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. Discussion Board on this Military Joke. Killed bin Laden. We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. He did his daredevil tricks over, and over again, but still not a word. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? Where is your foxhole, Lieutenant? I asked. 65. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Marine: Wait, stop. Minimum Connecting Time Time it takes an Olympic Gold Medal sprinter to run between two gates, 61. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Germany, like other NATO members, is protected by . Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. Me: No. Attention! I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? A drill serGENTLEMEN! "Flight 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees", "But Centre, we are at 35,000 feet. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Military jokes 291 Pins 3y D Collection by Devyn Scholtes Similar ideas popular now Military Humor Military Quotes Humor Funny Memes Military Jokes Army Humor Army Memes Military Life Funny Posts Hilarious Memes Humor Funny Memes Spongebob Memes My son is in Marine Infantry School and one of his best friends is in the Air Force Academy. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear neatly laid out on a table. They bagged six. But I am public affairs, I said. She also liked her scotch. During World War II, my father often found himself stuck with KP duty. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland.