The people who are asking what are you doing this weekend? before making a request are taking away the LWs easy out that is, by getting LW to admit that he/she/they are free, the option to refuse with Oh, sorry, I have plans already is no longer there. Other commenters have given great scripts. Its not extreme when your life has several of those sharks who ask that just to trap you. What are you doing Saturday? might be an attempt to be extra polite about making an invitation, but it only works if the person wants to accept, and its only necessary if the person is too shy to say no. You know the parent is deliberately being controlling if that wont work for me gets any variation on, BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYY. Sometimes, answering a question with a question is the best strategy. Sometimes my kids and I need that to be family time, so were going to block that out going forward., one of those people who force you to be blunt., Indeed, do say to her: Im going to ask you guys to walk to school on your own; trying to coordinate with your family is simply too much stress for us. But Im not interested in any work-related socializing that eats into my personal life). Although I do the opposite: Im ALWAYS busy/have to work, when certain people ask. If the reason for you that you daughter should help you at X time with X thing is because family, is the reverse also true? and get back to work.) Ive been known to do that to friends, since Im one of those people who freaks out when I hit the wrong key and the computer does something unexpected. (My brother and sister in particular also had to learn from both their friends and myself that, just because they love me and love them doesnt mean that were all friends) I could only imagine if that question were followed by an expectation of service or freedom to assume I was going to a thing. Its 2018. You know the parent is deliberately being controlling if that wont work for me gets any variation on, BUT WHYYYYYYYYYYY.. How do I know if my comment was lost or is just stuck in a mod queue? So whats the fallout if I tell her I need her help with something, and she refuses without a good reason (because she wants to play Minecraft or listen to a podcast)? Indeed. As a young black woman in the US, she of course had been steeped in spotting such people her whole life. I use this regularly, as does most of my social group. Or else, Id rather people not start a conversation unless they have something specific to say, unless its somebody like my sister who I know well enough to talk about nothing and enjoy it. You are hearing pressure where there is none; and even if there were a little pressure, the grownup way to deal with it is to push back firmly but politelyno whining, no yelling, no accusing, no lecturing. It might be helpful to reframe this, because the vast majority of the time its not going to be meant as a high-pressure question. Me: Nope. Sometimes I feel like this is just another Hi, how are you? kind of question that can be sort of skipped over. (this one may not be my wheelhouse anyway, no translation needed. Ive had good luck with, Fantastic! because no matter what is happening to me, I am still fantastic in various ways. Or they may feel social pressure to make conversation in the moment, and dont have any other topic at hand. I completely get anything to do with joint maintenance of shared space responsibilities for shared spaces need to be clearly shared out and individuals need to do their share. I can see where laundry might be a perfectly good excuse NOT to go with your aunt to somewhere you dont want to go. How about you? might be more the way to communicate what you have in mind. Are you busy? It forces the manipulators to cough up some version of their agendas, and galvanizes the friends with vague plans into issuing an actual invitation. Now shes supposed to go on a date with me if I ask for one!. I cringe sometimes because a lot of the send awkwardness back to sender! advice overlaps with the kind of thing he does and yeah, it costs him. Are you doing anything this Thursday night? whyyyy do you need to know? But Im willing to bet that LW knows that, and the reason he/she feels annoyed with the people asking it in his/her life are because theres a pattern and something bigger at work like maybe people trying to get him/her to do stuff, or, as he/she noted, people who want to hang out, but with him/her doing all the planning work. I think people are missing the fact that LW is talking about some instances of this running down lines of power and dominance, which is why this is such a problem. But I think its disingenuous? Id also add that when youve lived in a place for years and are planning to stay, like I am in my husbands home country, it gets very tiring to have everyone assume youre just visiting or that youre an international student and will be gone soon. For example, while my wife and I are paying with a credit card after having Saturday morning breakfast, and while the receipt is printing out, the cashier will say, So, you guys got any good plans for the weekend?. Making conversions . Its up there with things like when are you going back home? or how does xy work back home? and other similar questions asked to people perceived as foreign (mostly for racial reasons). Question bugs me too, so I figured out some noncommittal answers that hit the tennis ball back into the askers court where it belongs. Is it just me? Indeed, I often hear it as an attempt to trap me into doing something. Two main reasons that I can see: 1) They want to get to know you better and talking about how you like to spend your weekend is often a great way to do that. I compared to you older friends of mine I see ruining their relationships with their adult children through constant disrespect, but then being bewildered as to why things are going so badly. I hope this email finds you well. My mom recently moved from but why? to Ok, I guess you dont love me which is actually a sign things are going my way because its not a direct question. I am on the spectrum, so I would anxiety-spiral about whether, once again, I missed a basic social skill everyone else learned in kindergarten. My usual caveat- I am a very private person who others sometimes describe as off-putting and I perform the expected feminine social role like an ill-fitting plastic Halloween costume. Answer accordingly. How are you? There are several possible moves in response to this gambit. That said, I tend to think the person asked, they can damn well deal with the answer. This is my first time commenting because so much of this rang true. I have other plans. But if you just asked me if I have plans and I just admitted that I dont, then yeah, it can look pretty rude or hurtful if you invite me to something and I have to decline. But its all about context, and thats not the context the LW is talking about. Flip the question back on them. Especially as its usually done over text, which (to me) precludes the idea of it being small talk. Then Ill say Whats up? or Whats going on then? or What did you have in mind?. Its great that you can come!. I really like this point! If you cant imagine feeling the same way as the LW, that doesnt make the LWs feelings bad or less-than. Just because at that one time it wasnt true doesnt mean that her reaction was irrational. I might not feel quite as entitled to her time, but Id probably still think there were some things I could ask of her that shed be wrong to refuse. Another example: My parents both corrected their local accents to American Standard Television English long before I was born, so I grew up with that accent myself. I completely agree that when it comes to a duty (like babysitting) this question is somewhat unfair. Its a conversation starter, and its my choice whether I continue the conversation by answering or by reflecting it back at them.
Five Questions You Can Ask Instead Of 'How Are You?' - Forbes ), but I can tell you that even from that POV, I generally have few expectations of this kind of question. What you are currently doing.
150+ Funny and Witty Answers to the Question "How Are You?" I usually just say Im doing laundry. (that said, I do aim at treating her the way I would an adult roommate.) He doesnt need to be that nosy about how you spend your time. Thanks! So when you talk about watching her leisure time and knowing how she spends it all, I hear a situation that would be psychologically unhealthy for a teenager, let alone someone in their mid-twenties. But why would you feel entitled to her time to help with party favors for a party youre throwing? Ok. ( This simple expression embodies the fact that you don't give a f*ck!) If you're a naturally humorous and playful person, then you absolutely should let part of your personality shine through without clamming up. For small talk, I like to ask questions where the answer can be simple. If you can walk away from them, they're successful. Re #1, true that. Sometimes we have plans that I can adjust if there is something she wants to do. And LW is already handling the situation in the best possible way by giving noncommittal answers. And partly because, depending on exactly what one wants and what cost one is willing to pay, challenging the culture is how it gets changed. But, I think the conclusion there is, thats not on me.
How to Reply to Online Dating Messages the Right Way What are you doing this weekend? LW gets that we all know this, and should be less friggin bigoted about shoving our nosy questions at a population for whom nosy questions are constantly tied to real threats of violence. For all that the Your X is Valid thing is trending nowadays, you still need to be able to have basic conversations with people, which includes stuff like this. Eating. Its okay that sometimes Im in physical pain and need time to recuperate. Being one half of a couple is also very handy in this respect. Go For a Run: Once again, running will not require spending any money, only your energies.
Funny Responses to "What Are You Doing?" - Mom Advice Line You don't want to end up like your crazy aunt who keeps asking you the same question during every holiday dinner. I have a colleaguestraight white well-employed middle-class-raised Christian cis man, so about as privileged as you can get in Americawho opts out of a lot of what he considers to be optional social stuff. I dont feeling hes hitting on me exactly, though I am not answering in a way he likes/expects (am I supposed to be chatty bc Im young-ish and female? What are you doing for dinner? Life is filled with lots of required thing that some folks loathe and others either like or dont care either way. You know, I just had a *very* amusing misunderstanding with a facebook friend who was ranting about MLM (which I thought was the wlw type of MLM). My workmates and I ask all the time stuff like what are you up to tonight/on the weekend? and its almost never a prelude to inviting them to something, its just small talk sharing our lives.
80 Witty & Creative Response to "How Are You?" - My Clever Mind See also, sometimes when someone is rude or difficult, I will pretend they said something nice or appropriate and respond with a total non-sequitur. You have attached a new question to an old thread. 2) They are thinking of asking you to do something with them but are fishing around first because theyre afraid of asking directly right out either afraid of rejection or sometimes afraid of putting you on the spot or sometimes they just feel like it sounds too abrupt and unnatural to just without some chat first. Her Kid: *rings doorbell* again my mum says shall we wait for you? After some reflection, my normal version of this (me asking) is You free this weekend? (Im a lady dating ladies btw, if thats relevant, though I have also dated men before and my experience is definitely colored by some of the emotional labor / potential gender-related danger issues some of the commenters pointed out thats spot on). The good news is that when you sense an ulterior motive or that an invitation is imminent you can answer Dunno, Id have to look at my calendar to say for sure. No other teller (in this bank, or others that Ive been in) does this. Which is odd, because if anyone has an aura of genius around them, she does. Not much fun, but also not optional right now. (Aunt doesnt need to know whether your laundry has reached the point of not going to have clean clothes to wear or not.). If you dont want to do something tell them youre not allowed and your parents are really strict etc. We assume you wont want to share all your more detailed baggage or bad news with someone you dont know very well and we are a little taken aback if you actually do because it indicates that you feel a level of closeness with us that we didnt necessarily feel with you. Indoor Cat raised some good points. Sometimes this takes several rounds before everyone realizes theyve done their line but missed their cue. My response if Im up for it is Looking like a fun one, but did you have something in mind? If Im probably not up for it I say All the things! I sympathize.
25 of the Best Responses to "How Was You Weekend" - Tosaylib I still have the same question of why do this? This realization makes me like Tuesdays more.) No matter how old you are, you don't want to be badgered about your life choices. Try to be kind and positive in your response. People who act like or claim that it is impolite are exhibiting the things I dont like must be rude/mean fallacy. For that matter, even confident people can fall into the What are you doing Thursday? trap when theyre trying to sound unassertive. So, when they ask what youre doing this weekend and seem likely skip ahead to of course youre going to my potluck and bringing the thing I promised everyone youll bring without actually asking you and/or so you can babysit ALL WEEKEND LONG, be ok with letting them down. Him: What are your plans for the weekend? And we do know that extreme surveillance is a very brutal and destructive form of torture. 1) Let the weekend memes begin! During [business_hours] that's usually within a couple of hours. Ive got some stuff to do around the house, etc. Mittens and I can primal scream together. And take LWs at their word, maybe? So mostly I just want the question to go away lol, but since, as the Captain said, thats not likely to happen any time soon, I thought Id try to learn some better ways to navigate it, and again, all of your responses have been extremely helpful! It helps that shes not as tech savvy, so I can get away with the excuse of well my calendar is on my phone and I cant check it at the same time as talking on the phone, even though I can, she doesnt know that.
Is Gary Cohen Related To Steve Cohen,
Did Rick Allen Have His Other Arm Amputated,
Articles F